JRS Educational Therapy
The Hidden Struggle: ADHD in Girls, Perfectionism, Burnout, and Identity Issues
Wednesday, December 6, 2023 by Julie Stoner | ADHD
The Hidden Struggle: ADHD in Girls, Perfectionism, Burnout, and Identity Issues
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a neurological condition that affects millions of individuals worldwide. While it's often associated with hyperactivity and impulsivity, the manifestation of ADHD in girls is not always as conspicuous. In fact, many girls with ADHD grapple with a unique set of challenges, including perfectionism, burnout, and identity issues. This entry hits home as I do my own Identity work at the age of 47.
The Unseen Struggle
Girls with ADHD often go undiagnosed or are misdiagnosed due to the subtlety of their symptoms and the underlining societal values of the patriarchy. Unlike individuals who may display more overt hyperactivity, girls with ADHD often internalize and hide their struggles, and instead of acting out, they channel their energy into coping mechanisms like perfectionism and people pleasing. Unfortunately in our patriarchal society these are often seen as positive traits for girls and women. 
The Vicious Cycle of Perfectionism
Perfectionism becomes a double-edged sword for girls with ADHD. On one hand, it's an attempt to gain control over the chaos that ADHD can introduce into their lives. On the other hand, it intensifies the pressure to meet unrealistic standards, setting the stage for a perpetual cycle of striving for unattainable perfection.
This pursuit of perfection often leads to over commitment, overachievement, and a constant fear of failure. The relentless drive to excel becomes a mask, concealing the very real struggles with executive function, time management, and focus that are inherent to ADHD. As these girls strive for perfection, they unwittingly set themselves up for people pleasing and burnout.
The People Pleasing Trap
Frequently apologizing, taking on more than she can handle, nodding along with others' suggestions even when she disagrees, all while suppressing her authentic self in a constant quest for approval.
A people-pleaser is a person who puts others needs ahead of their own. We are highly attuned to others and often seen as agreeable, helpful, and kind. Our people-pleasing behaviors, stem from our heightened sensitivity to the emotional distress caused by past failures, rejections, and scrutiny (all our lives) for ADHD symptoms. In an effort to sidestep disappointing those around us and experiencing feelings of judgement, girls with ADHD often neglect their own needs and have trouble advocating for themselves, which can lead to a harmful pattern of self-sacrifice or self-neglect and burnout.
The Burnout Conundrum
Perfectionism, when combined with the inherent challenges of ADHD, creates a breeding ground for burnout. The relentless effort to meet impossibly high standards takes a toll on mental and emotional well-being. Fatigue sets in as girls push themselves to the brink, trying to keep up with the demands of academics, extracurricular activities, and social expectations. Never asking for or expecting outside help. 
Burnout, of course, exacerbates the symptoms of ADHD. Our concentration wanes, organizational skills falter, and the ability to manage time effectively diminishes... enter here... hours of TikTok scrolling. The very traits that initially masked the presence of ADHD become glaringly evident, leading to a potential spiral of shame and self-doubt and for some of us, the pursuit of another degree or certification.
Identity Lost and Found
As girls with ADHD grapple with perfectionism and burnout, issues of identity often come to the forefront. The discrepancy between the façade of perfection and the internal struggles creates a profound sense of imposter syndrome. These girls may question their worth, feeling that their achievements are merely a result of tireless effort rather than intrinsic ability or the opposite. They might endure a constant search for more credentials or 'proof' that they are knowledgeable, proof they are experts in a field, or belong within a chosen community.
Addressing these identity issues involves not only recognizing and understanding the intersection of ADHD, perfectionism, and burnout but also fostering an environment that embraces neurodiversity and dismantles the values of the patriarchy. Providing support, accommodations, and a safe space for these girls to express their unique strengths and challenges can be transformative. 
Breaking the Silence
It's crucial to break the silence surrounding ADHD in girls and to dispel the myth that it only presents in stereotypically hyperactive ways. By fostering awareness, encouraging early diagnosis, and embracing a holistic approach to support, we can empower girls with ADHD to navigate their unique challenges, break free from the shackles of perfectionism, and forge a path towards self-discovery and acceptance.
Check out this Video from How to ADHD: Dealing with Imposter Syndrome (ADHD Storytime)
